Coaches with a Hot Butt. SFW, don’t worry not that kind of hot butt.

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Every year the NFL chews up and spits out Coaches. 50 somethings men who have devoted their entire lives to football will be devoured and spit up by the beast like a bad piece of meat loaf. So, who will these unfortunately tormented souls be who have to sleep at night knowing in a few short months they could be out of a job? Today we rank those coaches on the hot seat, by how hot said butt is. 1 being seat warmers on, feels nice you know it’s there nothing to worry about. To five, Honey we got ROAST BUTT FOR DINNER. So, who’s posterior is safe? And whose Darier is on the way out?
AFC East
Todd Bowles, New York Jets, hot butt ranking: 4.
It is unfortunate. Bowles is not a freakishly awful head coach, however he suffers from a team with a freakishly bad roster he will be blamed for. Also the fact that he is generally against college style QBs, look no further than comments on Geno Smith, and all signs point towards the Jets looking to get a rookie QB to develop. Bowles is going to get the short end of the stick for sure what he did with that defense was incredibly impressive but his time in the Meadowlands is running out.
AFC South
Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts, hot butt ranking: 5.
Pagano has gotten three second chances in Indy and should have been fired with Grigson last year. He had his chance with Luck in his prime and couldn’t coach the O line into protecting him. Even if they gave him no tools on the O line he couldn’t coach up the defense to get them anywhere either. That was supposed to be his specialty, coming in Pagano was hired as a defensive minded coach. The fact he hasn’t managed to coach a top 15 defense in all his years in Indy is reason enough to get him out of there.
Doug Marrone, Jacksonville Jaguars, hot butt ranking: 4.
It’s no secret, the desire of Tom Coughlin is to force himself into that coaching position in Jacksonville. Marrone is a fine place holder but if they win less than 5 games again this year Marrone is out of there.
Bill Obrien, Houston Texans, hot butt ranking: 3.
If the Texans miss the playoffs and there is no one of note on the coaching market will the Texans fire Obrien? No, they won’t, but if a major player becomes available Obrien could be out. A lot is put on the Texans QB room for there lack of offensive fire power but you have to figure some of that has to be put on Obrien. He’s had three years to work with at least five QBs and none of them can seem to find the so called secret sauce Obrien has. The Texans are a constantly 9-7 team with a constantly 9-7 coach, if there ok with that then so be it. If they aren’t there is trouble brewing for Obrien if not this year next year.
Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans, hot butt ranking: 2.
The Titans are in the Same Situation as the Texans. Mularkey overachieved in his first year as a head coach and if this team makes the playoffs he’s set there for the next five years. If they don’t this team could be in the running to grab the next Kyle Shannahan whoever that may be. Until said coach is on the market though Mularkey is safe.
AFC North
Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns, Hot butt ranking: 1.
Unless this team goes 0-16 Hue is safe this year.
AFC West
No one, Joseph and Lynn are to new and Del Rio and Reid would have to have major catastrophes on their teams (were talking they go 5-11 or worse) to be ingested by the black Monday beast.
NFC North
Jon Fox, Chicago Bears, hot butt ranking: 4.
It all depends on Trubisky like so much with this team. If Fox starts Glennon through week four its an admission to ownership he’s just given up. However if he starts Trubisky and tries his hardest to develop him throughout the season he could salvage his job for a year. If the Bears go 8-8 or better Fox is safe. If the Bears start Trubisky after week 2 and he shows improvement throughout the year Fox is safe. If everything falls apart and this team is worse than 8-8 Fox is gone.
Jim Caldwell, Detroit Lions, hot butt ranking: 3.
If you think about it, the only reason this Lions team has been competitive the past few years? Matthew Stafford. What has been this team’s weakness? Defense. Who coaches Matthew Stafford and the Offense? Jim Bob Cooter. Who Coaches the Defense? Jim Caldwell. Defense Sucks who should you fire? Caldwell. I want to keep a good Matthew Stafford though, how do I do that? Hire Jim Bob Cooter.
NFC East
John Gruden, Washington, hot butt ranking: 4.
Does Gruden deserve this? No. His offense has been one of the best orchestrated in the conference considering the limited pieces he has had around Cousins. However Washington is a cluster you know what of an organization right now and a full house cleaning is coming if this team goes anything under 9-7.
Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys, hot butt ranking: 2.
It’s always a question in Dallas. Is it likely to happen? No, but if the Cowboys really struggle, and I mean really struggle (4-12 or worse) he could lose his job. Garrett’s job is probably safe. He makes this list though because he is a fairly blah head coach who never really gets his team deep in the playoffs. Those guys usually don’t last long. Unless your owner is Jerry Jones.
NFC South
Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints, hot butt ranking: 3.
Payton and Garrett are more or less the same person. Payton has just been in his position longer because of a Super Bowl win that Mikky Lumis will continue to refuse to put in the rear view mirror. Until something really goes wrong Payton will be in the same spot every year.
NFC West
None. Arians might retire but Mcvay and Shannahan are safe for year one.

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